Though We Tell the Fates to Lie
by Scutter
Summary: A short tale of just how quickly life can go astray.


Though We Tell the Fates to Lie  
By Scutter  
scutter1200@hotmail.com  
  
Disclaimer: All original Sailor Moon characters belong to whatever   
individuals/ companies own or made Sailor Moon.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
***The Fates***  
According to Greek Mythology, the Fates were three sisters,   
Lachesis, Clotho and Atropos, who together determined a man's fate.   
  
They distributed a certain share of good or evil to a person   
three days after they were born, and determined when they were born   
(Clotho), how long they would live (Lachesis), and when they would   
die (Atropos). They also punished the transgressions of both men and   
the gods.  
  
It is said that even the gods were deeply mindful of their   
power, and not even the most powerful god was willing to trifle   
with them.  
  
  
--Monday, August 10th - 5:15pm--  
  
Mamoru stared in shock as the door slammed in his face. Of all   
the possible endings, he had never *never* imagined it would be this   
one. His face remained white as he heard her footsteps retreating   
down the hall, so loud were her angry steps that not even the carpet   
could muffle the sound. A deep ache in his belly bit at him, though   
the shock had not yet quite sunk in. How could she...?  
  
But of course, he *knew* how. And why, and that in the end, it   
was all his own fault.  
  
He frowned to himself. No, that wasn't quite true. Of course,   
he could take the blame for some of it. His actions had been less   
than perfect, and he had been angry, after all. But *all* the blame?   
No, that didn't lay on him. Though the remembrance of his love for   
her prevented him from blaming her, either. Then whose fault was it?  
  
Perhaps these things could not be laid to blame. The workings   
of fate have more control over us, in the end, than we could ever   
hope to have of ourselves. But still...   
  
But still, how was he to deal with the loss of his *wife*?? How   
could she just walk out on him so suddenly?   
  
Finally, the shock, and pain of it hit him - not just the shock   
of today, but of all the days gone past so recently - and he sank to   
his knees behind the quivering door. Fault or not, it still hurt like   
hell... His hand reached up to softly stroke the door, as if   
imagining her shining face there, looking back at him...  
  
The hall way was silent now.  
  
His hand ran instead up to his hair, combing it back from his   
face in a weary movement. He sighed, as if trying to expel the   
pressure that had taken up residence in his chest.  
  
Even if he was to go after her, how could he ever make it   
right? He didn't know what she wanted any more.  
  
He only knew he wanted her back. Her - his wife, the warm and   
loving creature that had, until just a few days ago, felt just as   
strongly about him. He had to get her back.  
  
Tonight, she would probably go to Minako's. He could probably   
reach her there... No, he told himself. Tonight was not a good time   
to talk to her. He should let her calm down first. But tomorrow, he   
would call Minako, and perhaps she would let him talk to his Usako...   
and perhaps...  
  
Perhaps he could win her back...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~It's a strange thing, hindsight is. Almost like déjà vu. Wishing you   
could go back, even just a few seconds in time, and change something.   
Sometimes not even knowing quite what you would change, but wishing   
you had the chance none the less. So standing here now, with my Usako   
having fled from me, quite naturally, the first thing I think about,   
the first thing I would change, is all bound up in the reason why she   
left...~~  
  
--5 minutes earlier: Monday, August 10th - 5:10pm--  
  
*Mamoru*  
The apartment was silent when I got home from work on Monday. I   
could tell that even before I put my key in the door. In the past,   
Usako would have had some music playing, or been watching TV, or   
sometimes she just hummed to herself as she worked. It had been   
blissful, coming home to a joy-filled room every day.  
  
The hallway was dark as I opened the door, and I put my   
briefcase carefully on the little table there, the slight clunk of it   
seeming terribly out of place in this deathly quietness. It had   
started raining on my way home, and I ran my fingers through my hair,   
brushing the drips from my eyes. Where was she?  
  
A few short strides took me to the entrance of the living room,   
and there, upon the couch I saw a small, huddled figure, as grey as   
the unlit room around her. I flicked on the light.  
  
"Usako?" I had thought she wasn't going to respond, but she   
turned her head to me, staring at me with those grey, serious eyes.  
  
"Are you alright?" I asked her, slight disbelief showing in my   
voice. Never before had I seen her so... serious. Anger, sadness,   
disappointment - all these I had seen in those angelic eyes. But   
never such self control and solemnity.  
  
"I'm sorry I lied to you, Mamoru."   
  
At that point, my heart shuddered. *Mamoru??* She had called me   
that so often of late. Whatever had happened to 'Mamo-chan?'  
  
"I should have told you at the start." She looked up at me, her   
eyes full of tears and sorrow and love. "I was going to tell you one   
day. When I managed to find the words, and when I knew you'd   
understand... I guess I should have said something sooner." She fell   
silent again, hiding her face from me as the tears fell.   
  
I was still standing there, at the edge of the room, not even   
having removed my jacket or tie, hands in my pockets as I ignored the   
rain dripping from my hair. I stood as if I had been standing there   
for hours, not like I had just walked in the door...  
  
"I know, Usako," I murmured gently, as I finally crossed the   
floor to her side. On one knee, I crouched before her, my hand   
seeking out hers, and she gave it to me reluctantly. "I understand   
what you did, Usako. But you also have to understand - it hurt that   
you didn't trust me." She nodded slowly. "Promise me you'll always be   
open with me, Usako. Promise me that and we can put all of this   
behind us."  
  
Her faded eyes swung round to mine. "Put it behind us?" Her   
voice suddenly took on a shrill quality. "I'm not going to just   
forget this ever happened, and get on with my life! How can you ask   
me to do that?"  
  
I sat up, affronted by her harsh admission. "I'm not asking you   
to forget anything, Usagi!" I shook my head quickly. "I just want us   
to be together again. No more arguing, or ignoring each other. I hate   
seeing you so upset, Usako." That final sentence was a quiet   
admission, my voice husky as I fought back the pain.  
  
"You just want to pretend this never happened. You want to play   
happy families, and pretend nothing ever goes wrong. Well, you're   
wrong, buddy!" She leapt to her feet, glaring coldly at me as I rose   
to my feet. "You say you understand what I did, but you're not even   
trying to understand how I feel!! I did what I did because I love you   
and I didn't want to hurt you. I was trying to protect you and YOU   
DON'T CARE WHAT I FEEL!!!"  
  
A wave of panic rose in my throat. This was getting *way* out   
of hand... "Usako..."  
  
"Stay away from me!!" She slapped my hand out the way as she   
barged past me to the door, grabbing her coat on the way. Reaching   
for the door handle, she turned to face me for one brief moment.   
"This hurt me just as much as it hurt you, *Mamoru*. And until you   
can realise that, I don't want to hear another word about it." Then   
she spun on her heel, and charged out the door in a storm of golden   
fury, leaving the door to slam in my face.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~So that's how the argument went. That's what made her leave...  
But no, I see. That doesn't really explain how it all happened,   
does it? In truth, it goes back further than that sad Monday. I   
find myself trying, now, to remember where it *did* start...~~  
  
  
--The day before: Sunday, August 9th - 8:02am--  
  
*Mamoru*  
Even before I got out of bed this morning, I could detect the   
smell of burning. Usako was already out of bed, which meant two   
things. 1: She probably hadn't slept last night, and 2: She was in   
the kitchen, burning breakfast.  
  
I slid warily out of bed, padding out to the kitchen after   
pulling on a robe. One glance proved me right - the eggs were stuck   
to the bottom of the frying pan, and turning black fast. I stood   
there for nearly thirty seconds before she noticed my presence.  
  
She simply stared at me for a moment, then whipped round to the   
stove again, snatched the pan from the top, and dumped the contents   
into the garbage.  
  
The pan clattered onto the stove top as Usako flung it away   
from herself, and I could see her shoulders start to shake. Answering   
the cry of my heart, I moved up behind her, rubbing her shoulders   
gently to let her know I was there. I felt her sigh, and then she   
turned to me, sliding into my arms and pulling herself close to me.   
With a sigh of my own, I welcomed the small, fragile, shaking form to   
me, feeling for all the world like I was holding a child - a child   
that had exclusive control of my heart. Gods, I had missed her these   
past few days.   
  
Perhaps she was still angry - goodness knows that tears have   
not customarily led to forgiveness, but at that moment, all I cared   
about was comforting the creature in my arms and soothing my own   
aching heart with her presence.  
  
But all too soon, she regained control of herself, and drew   
back - not out of my arms, but away from my body, and I wondered   
briefly if I should let her go. My heart screamed no, hold onto this   
angel, and so I did.  
  
"Usako?" I couldn't help but want to love her, want for us to   
be happy again, and I thought perhaps I knew a way it could be so...   
"Usako? I know how much this hurt you. I'm sorry for getting angry."  
  
She didn't reply, but a slight smile played at her lips.  
  
"Usako, if... I know we said we would wait to have kids - with   
your college degree and everything... but if that's not what you want   
any more... If you want to, we could have a child now...?" I'm not   
sure what reaction I was expecting. To be truthful, I don't think I   
was expecting anything. I just can't bear to see her so hurt, and I   
would say anything to make things right for us... But whatever I was   
expecting, I didn't get it.  
  
"You insensitive BASTARD! What makes you think I want a child!   
I want to graduate college, you idiot! Why do you have to be so   
selfish! What makes you think I wanted kids in the first place? That   
was always *your* idea, not mine! You don't understand that *I* feel   
pain! You think everything in my life is wonderful and joyful, but   
it's not!"  
  
*Usagi*  
Why did he have to say that? Why can't he see that this isn't   
what I want? I can't bear the thought of disappointing him. I just   
wish he wouldn't say anything more. If he does, I know he'll show me   
how much he wants a child, and I'll just have to refuse him, and   
that would hurt him so, so much...  
  
In that moment, I look up to his face - he looks so stunned. I   
know I am crying and shouting, and I can't imagine what he must be   
thinking of me... I can't bear to see that look in his eyes any   
longer.  
  
*Mamoru*  
I am stunned as this golden flame of fury darts out of my arms   
and away through the house. But I don't go after her. I have no idea   
what I would say if I did. I have told her how I feel, and she has   
reacted to it. She has told me what she feels.  
  
We have said all there is to say. Now we just wait for the   
pain to fade, hoping that one day it will.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~Ah, but no. The reader would not be satisfied with that, now,   
would they? That is merely like a story half told. Well then,   
perhaps I should go further back. Why does it seem that the   
further back we go,the worse it gets?~~  
  
--The day before: Saturday, August 8th - 2:15pm--  
  
*Usagi*  
I still find it hard to believe that argument we had last   
night. I had never thought Mamo-chan and I could disagree about   
something so much...  
  
Mamoru is out now. He's been out since lunchtime. I can't say I   
blame him. Honestly, if he *was* here, I'd have gone out by now.  
  
Oh, this morning was a nightmare! For a couple of hours, we   
avoided each other - I'd have breakfast while he was in the shower,   
he'd have breakfast while I made the bed and tidied our room... it's   
quite ridiculous really, and yet we went through these motions for   
hours.  
  
In the end, we had to be in the same room together, both   
knowing neither of us wanted to be there, yet neither willing to show   
weakness by admitting it, and leaving.  
  
I think he wanted to talk to me this morning. He was never   
happy leaving things so uneasy, but I'm not ready to talk, and I   
didn't want him to try. He hates it when I get all silent, and in the   
end, I think it was my brooding that drove him out of the house. He   
said something about needing to see Motoki. I don't know if that was   
true or not, but I wasn't going to argue.  
  
He looked tired this morning. Like he hadn't slept all night.   
Perhaps he hadn't.  
  
I am quite astounded at how quickly things can go wrong. Not   
even 24 hours ago, things looked so bright and promising. Now, my   
husband can't stand to be in the same room with me, and I find myself   
in a quivering mess each time I remember why. But now that he is   
gone, I wish him back again. I need time and space to think about   
all this, but now that I have the time, I find myself so afraid of   
what conclusions I will reach... the worst of which may be my own   
guilt. I know it was wrong to keep this secret from him. But I did   
have reasons. Perhaps the greatest reason was simply that I am human,   
and therefore fallible. But who am I to judge my own innocence or   
guilt?  
  
I have enough guilt as it is. I feel guilty for the loss of   
this child. Perhaps... I know I would have loved it, had it been   
born, had I not had a miscarriage. But could I have, in some small   
way, caused it's death by my reservations, by the knowledge that it   
came at a bad time? Do the Fates detect these small wishes of ours   
and act on them, though we are barely aware of them ourselves?  
  
Guilt is a wonderful thing really. We devote so much time and   
effort into feeling just the right amount of guilt... where would we   
be without it? I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me. I can get a   
little bitter at times.   
  
I wonder... if I was able to ask the Fates why they did this...   
what kind of answer would I get? And if I didn't like the answer,   
would the Fates know... that I would want them to lie?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~Lies? Yes, would the Fates lie? Or would they simply tell us the   
truth because we deserve no comfort in our own mistakes? Then again,   
it is lies that build these sticky webs for us in the first place...  
Usako was right. I hadn't slept the night before. How could I have   
done, when so much in the world had gone wrong?~~  
  
--Earlier that morning: Saturday, August 8th - 1:47am--  
  
*Mamoru*  
  
The curtains strayed out into the room that night, as I lay in   
bed. They ride on some unseen wind, that we can't see, but we can   
feel all too clearly. Sometimes life is like that. We can feel some   
disaster approaching us, but no matter how hard we look, we can't see   
it and get out of its way.  
  
I glance down at the sleeping woman beside me. I'm surprised   
she even agreed to sleep in the same bed, she was so angry tonight. I   
have watched her now for nearly three hours, and I am still no closer   
to sleep. I stare out the window again.  
  
And again, the same narrow thoughts swirl through my mind.   
Have I been betrayed? Has she betrayed the trust we had by omitting   
to tell me this, omitting to tell me one of the most important facts   
of my life! She has broken no commandment, told no lie, and yet I   
feel as though she has wronged me. Yes, I realise. To omit the truth   
can hurt as much as a lie that is told, for both will lead you down a   
crooked and broken path.  
  
But have I been betrayed? Any more than I betrayed her, by   
stealing those secrets which were not mine to hold? Can I forgive her   
then, if we have both wronged each other, and wish therefore to be   
forgiven? Or are we both just victims of the Fates, which work by   
a stronger will then our own?   
  
I glance down again at the angel in my bed, her body scant   
inches from mine, and her heart a thousand miles away. I thought, an   
hour or so ago, that I would rise from this lonely bed and go   
outside to the balcony and let the rising moon calm my sorrows as   
it has many a night before.  
  
But I look down in this bed and all my heart is here, asleep on   
the pillow beside me. Why would I ever leave it?  
  
And yet she has hurt me, this woman of my heart.   
  
Has she? my inner voice cries out. And indeed I wonder. Am I   
reacting merely to the pain of the loss of my child, or actually to   
the pain of my heart betrayed?   
  
I sigh, as I sink down, between the cool sheets beside my love,   
the gentle curve of her arm, and the silken flow of her body. There   
is no malice in this frail creature beside me. I think to reach out   
for her, to wrap her warmth beneath my arm for the night, but my heart   
cries out at the pain again, and I refrain, confused.  
  
There is no sleep tonight, and so I watch her, this angel in my   
bed, and in my heart, and I do not sleep, and I wait for dawn to   
come...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~Why was I not sleeping? Why was I not sleeping when my Usako   
lay warm and safe beside me? Even now, I don't have a simple   
answer, except that I have always hated arguments. Yes, just a few   
hours before, we had argued about it for the first time. As a   
child, I used to hide under my bed at the orphanage and listen to   
the Sisters and one of the older children arguing. I always used   
to think you could sort out problems a lot better by talking things   
through calmly. But I suppose that at some point, we all have to   
admit we're human, and that arguing is in our very nature. It's not   
the shouting itself that I hate the most. It's the repercussions of   
it, the cold silences and dark looks that pervade the house for   
hours, even days afterwards. And in this instance, the result was   
no different.~~  
  
  
--The evening before: Friday, August 7th - 7:13pm--  
  
"I just don't understand why you didn't tell me."  
  
Usagi stared at the table, her uneaten meal getting cold in   
front of her. "I... I knew you'd be upset..."  
  
Mamoru sat in stunned silence for a moment, fighting back a   
wave of anger and nausea. "I had a right to know. You're my wife,   
Usako! How could you just keep this from me? Didn't you think I'd   
care?"  
  
Tears welled up in her crystalline eyes. "You had no right to   
read my diary," she choked out, before falling silent again.  
  
Mamoru ran a hand through his hair. "I know... Usako, I know I   
shouldn't have read it. Believe me, it wasn't deliberate..."  
  
"How can you read a diary *accidentally*? It's impossible,   
Mamoru, and you know it!"  
  
"Usako..."  
  
"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be all upset. I know   
how much you want children, and I didn't tell you because I didn't   
want you to be hurt. I would have told you one day," she said, as she   
finally looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes, despite their anguish,   
looked calm and patient. "I would have told you..." she repeated,   
as she tore her eyes away again. Damn him for being so calm! "... but   
it wasn't a good time then, and I wanted to wait until I knew you'd   
understand, and we could have other children..."  
  
"A good time??" After half an hour of arguing, Mamoru had   
finally reached the end of his patience. "I don't bloody well think   
there *is* a good time for this type of thing! You selfish woman!   
This is *my* child, we're talking about! Don't you understand   
that!?"  
  
"Of course I understand it!" Usagi leapt to her feet, sending   
her wine glass flying. "I'm not an idiot, Mamoru! And you don't have   
exclusive rights to pain in this house! How hard do you think it   
would have been for me to tell you? I *did* try, Mamoru! *I DID*! But   
it was so hard to find the words, and I..."  
  
"It's no excuse, Usagi! You have no right to hide this from me   
because it's *too hard!!* It's not good enough!"  
  
"I HATE YOU MAMORU!!!" Usagi shoved herself away from the table   
and ran for their bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Her chair,   
sent flying by her desperate movement, settle with a heavy thud on   
the floor. The echo reverberated throughout the house.   
  
Mamoru stood by the table, his mind struck quite numb by his   
wife's outburst, blindly watching the red wine seep like blood into   
the carpet...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~But yet I realise that all through this, I have not yet explained   
how things started. Well, it all started with the day I read Usagi's   
diary...~~  
  
  
--42 minutes earlier: Friday, August 7th - 6:31pm--  
  
~~Usagi's Diary~~  
**May 27th  
  
This was probably one of the worst days of my life. I don't   
wish to write about it in detail, as even now I can't sit here and   
think straight when...  
  
I had to stop writing while I cried. But I'm back now, and   
hopefully I can get this out this time. Today was the day I had a   
miscarriage. The hardest thing to do was face the doctor today. I   
felt so guilty, like it was my fault some how. I kept thinking, if   
only I had done something different. Maybe I could have changed this   
somehow... but the doctor said sometimes these things just happen.   
There might have been a problem with the baby, maybe it wasn't   
healthy... It just happens sometimes. I guess I have to believe him   
on that one.  
  
It was strange, feeling all this sorrow and anger today.   
Somehow I had always imagined that whenever I was in pain, Mamoru   
would be there for me, and we'd get through it together... but he's   
not here today. He's away on a business trip. That's not his fault,   
though. He didn't even know about the baby. I know he'd be here if   
he could have been...**  
  
~~Standing silently in the living room, Mamoru didn't read any further   
on that page. Instead, he flipped angrily back, page after page,   
desperate to find out how long she had known she was pregnant. And   
why she hadn't told him...~~  
  
**May 1st  
  
I cannot believe how sick I felt this morning. I didn't even   
want to get out of bed. Mamo-chan was happy to leave me there. He   
knows I don't like to get up early, so I didn't have to make him   
worry at all. I just curled up and went back to sleep.   
  
But strangely, I felt heaps better just a few hours later. Now,   
I'm no genius, but even a fool could figure out what *that* kind of   
illness could mean. So, I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow,   
to find out for certain if I'm... I don't want to write it yet, for   
fear of jinxing myself. Oh well.**  
  
**May 2nd  
  
I'm PREGNANT!!! I found out just an hour ago, and I've never   
felt to happy in my life (well, maybe I did once, the day I married   
Mamo-chan, but anyway...)   
  
I can't WAIT to tell Mamo-chan. He'll be so excited, he's   
always wanted children... I guess because of his own childhood...  
  
Oh NO!! Wait a minute. I can't tell him yet... His company is   
in the middle of some huge merger (I honestly have no idea what that   
involves, but it's big, apparently) and he's getting really   
stressed... I think I should wait till things settle down. He doesn't   
need any more worries right now. I hardly see him these days, in any   
case...  
  
Hmm. I'm not really complaining, though. I do miss him, but his   
work is very important to him, and I know this will only last a few   
more weeks. Last year they went through some major crisis, and I   
didn't get to SPEAK to him for a week, but he promised he'd get it   
fixed quick, and spend more time with me. It took about three weeks   
in the end, but he kept his promise. He took some time off work and   
took me away for a holiday... I know he'll always make time for me in   
the end. So I guess I can be patient this time. It'll be worth it, I   
know!!   
  
I wonder what we should name the baby...**  
  
  
~~Mamoru skipped the next few pages, as they had nothing to say on   
the topic. So, she had known since May. That was... three months   
ago!!! And she had never said a word!  
  
The rest of the diary just talked about her excitement, and how   
many toys she would buy... nothing involving him. So why hadn't she   
told him? He remembered that business trip last May. She had never   
said anything when he got back. He had never noticed any difference   
in her. Why the hell hadn't she told him??  
  
His attention snapped back to the present, suddenly, as he   
heard the bathroom door open.  
  
"Mamo-chan? Are you home?"  
  
"I'm here, sweetie," he replied automatically, throwing the   
little book back onto the table.   
  
"Okay, I'll be out in a second," his wife called as she   
disappeared into their bedroom. "How was your day?"  
  
"Not bad," he continued calmly, waiting for her to get dressed,   
all the while fighting back anger. *Someone* had some explaining to   
do...  
  
Unnoticed to the brooding man, the pages of the diary had   
flipped open as it landed on the table. A roughly written passage   
laid itself bare to the room, though he never turned back to read   
it.~~  
  
**May 27th  
... I know he'd have been here if he could have been, but now   
I'm beginning to wonder if I should tell him at all. I really would   
like to, goodness knows I need the support, but...  
  
If I tell him, I know he'll be upset. He's wanted children so   
much. We both agreed to wait until I'm finished college, and he's   
been promised a promotion in 6 months. After that, we'll have more   
time, and money, to spend on our child. It would be so much better   
that way. If I tell him now, he'll suggest we have another child   
right away. Maybe I'm being terribly selfish, but I have just one   
year left before I graduate. If I stop now to have a child, I know I   
would never go back to college. I would never neglect my child as   
much as college would demand, and that means no degree...  
  
If I tell him, and he wants another child now, I know I won't   
be able to say no. I couldn't stand disappointing him. I don't know   
what I should do...**  
  
~~There was a gap on the page~~  
  
**June 5th  
I haven't told Mamoru yet. And I'm beginning to think I never   
will. The days just flow past, and keeping quiet is so much easier   
than risking everything we have. I know I *should* tell him. Perhaps   
I will find the words one day...**  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~By now, many people may be wondering why I would read my Usako's   
diary. Am I really that much of a bastard? I have no wish to   
proclaim my innocence on the matter - I knew it was wrong. But I   
refuse to take all blame for it either. Perhaps you should read on,   
see how it all happened - and then decide for yourself who's fault   
it was...~~  
  
--8 minutes earlier: Friday, August 7th - 6:23pm--  
  
"Usako?" Mamoru called as he let himself into his apartment.   
Though it wasn't really his, any more. It was *hers* as well. He   
smiled at the thought. Three years of marriage, and he still felt a   
thrill at the very idea of it. He grinned in anticipation of seeing   
her bright smile, and her bouncy walk as she came to greet him...  
  
"Usako? Are you home?"  
  
He tilted his head to the side, as the sound of running water   
flowed out from the bathroom. His rabbit was taking a shower...  
  
He briefly considered joining her... But no, he told himself,   
chuckling at his own eagerness. That could wait for tonight. Instead,   
he wandered into the kitchen, laying a fresh bunch of roses down on   
the table. He checked through the day's mail, and when he found   
nothing interesting, wandered back to the living room, loosening his   
tie as he went. He slipped his jacket off, leaving it draped over the   
arm of the couch as he went to the window. It had clouded over in a   
nasty way on his walk home, and now, large raindrops were beginning   
to plummet to the grey streets below... He quickly pulled the blind   
down, blocking out the darkness of the outside world.  
  
But as he turned back to the room, a small notebook on the   
table by the window caught his attention. It was a simple thing, but   
pretty, bound with leather and with a small rose decorating each   
page. The wind coming in the window had apparently blown it open   
earlier, and he glanced at the pages, his curiosity aroused. He was   
sure he had never seen this book before...  
  
But at the slightest glance, he admonished himself as he   
realised - it was Usagi's diary! She must have been writing in it   
before her shower. Not wanting to invade her privacy, Mamoru reached   
out to close the book... but as his hand touched the page, one jagged   
word reached his eyes... scrawled in his Usako's childish hand...   
*miscarriage*... No, that had to be wrong... She couldn't mean...  
  
Helplessly, he scanned the page quickly. And like the   
proverbial freezing of hell, he felt his heart stop. Then, with a   
shake of his head, he disregarded all he knew about privacy, honesty   
and loyalty, and picked up the diary to read...  
  
*Mamoru*  
~~So, was I guilty? Or was I simply a victim of the Fates? Perhaps   
you will decide for me, and judge my actions one way or the other...   
but to me, the answer is not important. All that matters to me is   
getting my Usako back. So tonight, I will stay here and try to sooth   
my weary heart. And tomorrow, I will call Minako...~~  
  
The End.  
  
  
Please R&R!! 


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